“Duh, Mom!” Moment #517

Last night I had one of those totally “duh” moments that anyone who has ever realized how simple something they thought was completely, overwhelmingly complicated will totally understand.  I was sitting in the hallway, monitoring the supposed-to-be-sleeping crew while reading the book Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe (yes, that’s the real title) by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson when I came across these words:

The only formula I want my children to tuck deep into their hearts is this:  God has weaved each of us uniquely, and we are wonderfully made in His image.  We have sin-tattered hearts, but Jesus mends them when we lean into Him and trust Him with our lives.  There’s the formula.  Give Him the bad, and He’ll give you the beautiful.  It’s the human story offered by a compassionate God.  “Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him” (Psalm 103:13). (pgs 29-30)

Well, duh!  Don’t I already know this?  Don’t I dwell on it every day?  Well, yep, I do.  Unfortunately, I far too often dwell on it from the other direction.  Bad behavior, poor choices, lying, cheating, stealing, arguing, self-sabotage, defiance, and every other “sin” my children commit on a daily basis is all because of their sin-sick hearts, right?  (And, yes, I am very well aware that I just wrote “my children commit” knowing full-well I do exactly the same things.  Just as often.)

But see, the “duh” here came in the backward.  Instead of trying to change the behaviors to correct the heart, the job God has given me as a mother is to be focused on the Heart.  That sweet, genuine, loveable, though perhaps wounded and scarred, soul that is so precious to our heavenly Father.  If I can teach (convince?) my children of their extraordinary value in the eyes of their living Savior, then the behaviors currently produced by guilt, shame, jealousy, and the like will undoubtedly change as a result.

I mean, seriously, isn’t that exactly what I try to do daily with myself?  Study scripture, stay focused on godly things, shun Satan’s snares and tricks, all to stay close to the Father so that my every decision and action will have that much better chance of me NOT turning away from Him when tempted.  Focus the heart, change the behavior.  So why is it I am constantly trying to change my children’s behavior?

I have the same conversation quite often with two of my children that I cannot make sleep.  I can put them to bed on time.  We can read stories, brush teeth, pray, apply essential oils, turn off the lights, turn on peaceful music, etc., etc., but I cannot MAKE them sleep.  That choice must be theirs.  (And believe me, they have both made an art-form of staying awake.)  But maybe that’s just the “duh” point.  They don’t sleep because they both deal with extreme anxiety.  They are not trying to be defiant. (Okay, sometimes they are…)  They simply do not yet have the inner peace needed to truly relax and trust the world around them so that they can fall asleep upon crawling into bed. 

So, again, focus the heart, change the behavior.

But, of course, it’s not that easy.  Because the same is true in the opposite direction.  Hasn’t just this topic been the focus of my prayers for the wasband for going on two years now?  His heart was changed and so followed his behavior.  But both of those alterations were in a direction away from God.  And how easy is that?  Like SUPER EASY.  The human heart is a fickle thing.  Tempted to follow the voice that is the loudest.  The most exciting.  The most persistent.  The easiest to accept.  The most fun.  The one we think people are less likely to question.  The one with the quickest and most profitable rewards.  The voice offering the most immediate pleasurable outcome.

But God’s voice isn’t loud.  It isn’t non-confrontational.  It doesn’t always ask us to do the “easy” thing and it very often requires great faith in the waiting and strength in the position.  For God’s is a still, small voice.  Calling us to follow Him despite all the other voices vying for our attention.  No matter the cost.  No matter the popularity.  No matter the obstacles or the butting of heads that will ensue.   

But God’s voice always calls our hearts to His peace.

Which brings me back full-circle.  Change the heart, change the behavior.  Accept the Peace, walk with the Savior.  Know Jesus, follow His lead in confidence whether alone or with others.

So, “Duh, Mom” moment #517 –

Stop trying to micromanage the little things, Mom.  Lead their hearts to Christ and all the other stuff will follow.