Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Marriage Trouble - How to Pray When You Just Don't Know


For the past almost two years I have prayed that the Lord help me use the less than happy circumstances of my life to help others avoid the same evils and to use the lessons I’ve learned for the glory of His name.  I would like to think that this particular time is one instance in which those prayers are being answers.  I am no marriage counselor.  Heck, I obviously couldn’t even keep my own marriage together.  But I have learned some very valuable lessons about marriage and divorce the hard way and see things completely differently on the backside than I ever did while I was married.  It is those lessons and the resources I have discovered along the way that I have drawn from to create this list of prayers. 

I know that when my now ex-husband first told me he was filing for divorce I was at a total loss for how to pray.  Life for many months was lived in spiritual desperation as I grasped, sometimes seemingly in the dark with my eyes closed, for God’s guidance and will before making any decision, comment or sudden move.  I was lucky.  I had a legion of prayer warriors on my side, willing to stand in the gap for me and for my family as we traveled the twisted and perilous road before us.  And I remain lucky to this day as I still have a solid base of prayer covering me and my children as we are still working our way out the other side. 

But I also know that many are not so lucky.  Either they don’t have a team of prayer warriors ready to step up to battle, or they are simple too ashamed, embarrassed or overwhelmed to go to another human being for help.  And that is tragic.  No one should be left to struggle alone, and no one should be left without prayer because they are emotionally paralyzed by the very facts of life precipitating the need.

I have been blessed over the past few weeks to have multiple friends come to me asking for my support in prayer for either their own or a friend's or a family member's struggling or crumbling marriage.  Some might say that praying for another’s troubled marriage is a burden, but I don’t see it as such.  Yes, the stories weigh heavily on my heart.  I think about them day and night and have literally turned to my friends and family to help me remain faithful in praying daily for them, but I still consider the requests blessings.  

Two years ago I would have been at a complete loss as to how to pray for these heartbreaking situations, today I sit here preparing tomorrow’s prayer as soon as today’s is written and shared.  My own personal heartache has hurt too much, but it is that very same heartache that allows me to see and feel the very core of the pain others are just now enduring and that in turn provides me prayers I could never have known before needed praying.

If you know someone you suspect (or know!) is struggling in their marriage, if you are yourself struggling in your marriage, or if you just know someone who is married – I encourage your, no, I implore you to pray for them.  The prayers listed here are in no way profound or perfect, but they are a starting point for anyone wishing to cover a troubled marital relationship in prayer.  Don’t wait until threats of paperwork are tossed around or until you know for a fact things are falling apart.  Pray NOW.  There is absolutely nothing bad that can come with praying for a marriage, but there are downright awful things that can occur in its absence.

I was going to wait until I had a full month of prayers prepared to post this, but I have decided to post it now and simply continue to add to the list as the days move forward.  It is more important to me that someone who needs prayers gets it than I have a checkmark in my “done” column before sharing what others have already told me has helped them pray for those in need.  To each one who reads and shares these prayers, God bless you and the marriages you support.  Ours is an amazing God and His eye is always on us sparrows.

Prayer 1
I pray today that the Lord will remove any feelings of being "trapped" from those marriages in my path and make staying a purposeful choice rather than an obligation. Change the focus from "I want to be happier" to "I want to be more Christ-like".  Provide resolve and daily support from friends and family as well as sound counseling to keep the focus on working toward restoration rather than considering divorce and division as an option. Amen.

Prayer 2
Today's prayer is for the spouse who may be somewhat discontent in the relationship, but is blindly unaware of just how desperately unhappy the other spouse has become.  Lord, I pray that You open the doors for truthful communication and provide sound Biblical wisdom from wherever each spouse will accept it. Remind both hearts that You WANT to be involved.

Prayer 3
"Spiritual success requires letting go of expectations and outcomes and allowing God to move on your behalf...When God stripped away key areas upon which my pride was founded, I was forced to look at the resulting wreckage. I saw with new eyes that I had deceived myself for so long that I had accepted many lies as truth. I had a serious interior renovation project to undertake with no luxury of temporarily moving into a rental, and it was precisely in the messy debris of that work that God ordained a major life lesson." Lord, grant each of us the ability to see our own faults and work on our own distance from You rather than focusing on how others are letting us down or not measuring up to our expectations. You are a God of Love and loving others must start with surrendering to Your lead and getting out of Your way. (Quote taken from Work in Progress:  An Unfinished Woman’s Guide to Grace, 2009, Kristin Armstrong)

Prayer 4
Praying today for the multiple marriages I know of under fire. May each spouse involved turn his/her eyes Heavenward and ask the Lord Almighty to change his/her own heart to be more like His. Satan is a strong opponent and he doesn't play fair - making everything seem like the other person's fault, but Christ can send Satan and his lies cowering for cover if we invite Him to the party and seek Grace.
Romans 6:14 - For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.

Prayer 5
Lord, I lift up those who are separated yet not divorced.  May You use this time of separation to renew hearts rather than them drifting farther away.  May each person be encouraged by friends and family to renew his/her relationship with You and may that renewal lead to a softened heart and renewed hope for the marriage.  May the separated parties also use this time to find true Christian counsel from trained, professional help as an unbiased third party is a vital piece of the restoration puzzle.  Amen.

Prayer 6
Today I pray against the fear.  I pray that the spouse who has been convicted about what needs to happen to invoke change would push through the fear of failure and possible rejection and make the first effort toward healing.  It is scary to openly risk rejection from the one you love the most, but remaining paralyzed by Satan’s lies of certain failure provides no chance for coming back together.  Grant that wishful spouse the inner strength and fortitude to reach for a long withdrawn hand, say a long lost “I love you”, sit close on the couch, plan a night out, write a love letter, kiss a cheek, or make whatever small gesture of love he/she is contemplating.  Lord, I ask that you silence Satan’s voice of doom and repeated message of rejection.  Embrace the effort to love with YOUR love and hope, with hands ready to rescue.  Amen. 

Prayer 7
Today I lift up the broken-hearted.  The member of the marital relationship who simply feels defeated, frightened and lost.  Things seem to be getting worse not better.  A spouse seems more and more distant, if not already gone.  Prayers seem to go unanswered.  Divorce is looming as the other member of the relationship simply has no interest in working toward restoration.  Lord, I pray that Your peace covers anyone in this position in a way words cannot begin to explain.  That You provide the ultimate shoulder to cry on as You are always listening, always caring, always present even when we feel alone.  Unfortunately, sometimes the answer to prayer is “no”, and there is nothing one human can do to change a hardened heart in another; but keep us ever-mindful that You promise to work all things for good for those who love You - no matter how dark the darkness may feel.  Draw the broken-hearted to You, Lord, and grant them Peace.  

Prayer 8
Lord, today I lift up the children.  Children who have no say in the workings of their parents’ relationship.  Children who have no escape from the devastation brought to their lives through divorce.  I ask that You place Your hand of protection on each and every heart effected by the struggles within a troubled marriage – but especially upon the hearts and minds of the children.  Lead them to You, Lord.  Ground them in the understanding that You are their Heavenly Father, never failing and never wavering, no matter what mere mortals do.  Bless each child and bring them closer to You, Lord, that they may see Truth in the struggle and find Healing in their pain.  No one escapes divorce unscathed, but the children are the most innocent of the injured.  Protect and guide them, Dear Lord, each and every day.  Amen.

Prayer 9
Lord, today I pray for sound counsel.  I pray that words of Your wisdom find their way into the hearts and minds of each spouse struggling with the idea of reconciliation or working through personal efforts to simply make things better.  I pray that sound Biblical guidance be provided by the Word, friends, family members, churches and professional counselors to create a foundation of Truth for each hurting spouse looking for direction.  May these voices of Truth be evident, easily available, and strong enough to drown out the boisterous lies of Satan as he tries to quiet the Word with his own words aimed at achieving personal happiness and perpetuating the blame game.  Lord, provide the ongoing opportunity for sound counsel and open each spouse’s heart and mind to accept the counsel provided through the filter of Your love and grace.  May You work miracles in hearts as the Word is revealed in the broken places.  

Prayer 10
This morning I pray for those who are praying.  The wife, the husband, the mother, the father, the friend, the relative…  Our world is full of distractions, short attention spans, “the next big thing”, and life moves quickly.  It is so easy to lose focus on yesterday and move on to what new things pop up today, and Satan makes it a prime effort to help us along in those distractions.  Today I pray that we, the pray-ers, stay focused.  That no husband and wife are left to fight for their marriage alone.  That those of us committed to pray remain committed and continue to lift our prayers to You so that Your glory may be seen in each relationship grounded in You – as we are all one family in Your name.  Guide us, Lord, in how best to pray for the hurting and how to pray as warriors for the strength of marriage. 



Prayer 11

Today, I go back to the beginning, Lord.  I pray for the spouse who is committed to renewal – no matter what has happened to grow distance in the relationship or for how long that distance has been building.  I pray for confidence, Lord - Confidence in You.  I pray that this spouse focuses his or her eyes on You, Lord, and that by centering on Your word and guidance Confidence is found through faith.  Faith that no matter how things twist or turn, no matter how good things get or how painful things be, You are always in control of the end of the story and true Confidence is about Who we belong to not about who we are on our own or in the eyes of others.   You promise that when we are grounded in You, Christ, we can do anything and it is that Confidence which can carry us through all the hard days and give us peace in both good and bad.  Amen.


Prayer 12
Today I pray against selfishness.  I pray that the spouse toying with, secretly planning or already publicly committed to the idea of leaving a marriage reconsider such thoughts and put the commitment made to You and his or her spouse at the top of the priority list.  As author Michele Howe writes, “Whenever a spouse abandons the family, it is already clear [he/she] views [his/her] own needs as top priority.  The very act of leaving is perhaps the most selfish of all.”  As husband and wife we are called to be SelfLESS, not SelfISH.  To love with abandon and grace, with no expectation of reward.  To put our spouse above ourselves and love him or her as Christ loves the Church, purposely and absolutely.  I pray, Lord, that You grant each spouse the desire and ability to love without strings attached and without tally sheets of wrongs and rights.  That each spouse focus on how, with Your help, he or she can be the best husband or wife today regardless of any obvious returns.  May they each show Christ in their actions as human priorities are realigned with Yours. (Quote taken from Going it Alone: Meeting the Challenges of Being a Single Mom, 1999, Michele Howe)

Prayer 13
Lord, today I pray against Pretense.  The keeping up of an illusion that everything is “fine”.  I pray that anyone struggling in any aspect of their marriage find the strength and courage to share their burdens with a close friend, an extended family member, a fellow Bible Study classmate, a fellow committee member, a co-worker, a pastor or a professional counselor.  Remove the paralysis created by the need to appear “all together” and allow the struggling the ability to reach out for support.  So often we are blinded by what we think people will think of us “if they only knew the truth” that we cannot see how You work through our vulnerabilities when we allow others to see the real us.  Remove the urge to keep up appearances and allow the hurting to share their load with a solid, Christian support person who will prayerfully provide opportunities for shared tears, confessions, questions, frustrations, respite and restoration of the soul.  Remove the need to appear better than we are and provide the hurting spouse the courage needed to let someone else in on the truth so that Your Truth may prevail above all.

Prayer 14
Today I pray for Resolution – for healing and restoration for those issues damaging marriages from tangent places.  Physical ailments, mental or emotional disorders, grief over a death, breaches in trust, consuming guilt, secrets, histories of abuse, or any other smoldering issue that needs to be put to rest through healing and forgiveness.  Lord, I pray that today is the day healing begins.  That the hurting heart truly embraces Your promise to bring beauty from ashes and resolves to set aside the record of wrongs, that the alienated spouse commits to empathy and understanding of the other’s wounds and struggles, that both spouses come together with Your help to truly forgive and move forward –together, no longer waiting for the other one to make amends or make things right or “get over it”.  I pray that the control that the past can hold on the future be removed in Your name, Christ Jesus, and that Resolution of damaging issues begin today with You binding two hearts together as one.

Prayer 15
Lord, today begins my third week of directed prayer over struggling marriages, and today I pray for Hope.  Jeremiah 29:11 states “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”  I know there are those out there who have been praying along with me for two weeks now and yet still feel as if things are hard and unchanged and lack hope.  Lord, I pray that those longing for revival in their marriages stay the course.  That they find Hope in You.  Jeremiah 29:13 is blatantly clear as it reminds us, “You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.”  I pray for hope, Lord.  That those struggling seek You with all their hearts and hold fast to the hope of Your blessings.  Even when things seem bleak or progress seems slow or efforts seem unrewarded, Lord, provide Hope.  Hope for a future.  Hope for an outcome that glorifies You.  Amen.

Prayer 16
Today I pray for rest.  Rest for the weary, rest for the hurting, rest for the unaware, the frightened, the overworked, stressed out, sickly, frustrated, and simply exhausted.  Marriage takes work, but first must come Rest.  Jesus calls to us, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”  (Matthew 11:28-30)  Amidst all the hustle and bustle of daily living and worldly stress, Lord, provide rest.  Help us hear Your voice above all else.  Restore and renew us today so that we are stronger in battle for You tomorrow.  Amen.

Prayer 17
Today, Lord, I pray for hearts to soften and for ears to be opened.  I pray that the spouse whose heart has been hardened toward the other have an experience in this day that makes him or her rethink how things are.  Old habits die hard and walls blocking communication are extremely hard to break down once built, but with You, Christ, ALL things are possible.  Today I lift up the spouse that may not even be interested in restoration of the marriage, whose heart is hard toward the blessings You have given him/her in the marriage union, and who has turned a cold shoulder to his/her spouse.  You know where there is a chink in the armor, Lord.  You know where the way in can be found.  You know the right words, the right person, the right time, and the right environment for the hardened heart to hear Your voice above its own thoughts of malice, disdain, disrespect and disinterest.  Open ears, Lord, and soften hearts.  Plant a seed today that things can be different and that that difference can come within the marriage relationship with Your leading.

Prayer 18
Today, Lord, I pray against the outside forces pulling one spouse away from the other.  Work.  Travel.  Addiction.  Physical separation.  Hobbies.  Social media.  Pornography.  Physical affair.  Emotional affair.  Slothfulness.  Cultural suggestions of a responsibility free life.  Casual friendships abusing allocation of time.  Advise encouraging divorce as an option.  Lord I pray that You remove these obstacles from the path of both husband and wife.  That You remove the distractions Satan makes so prevalent and appealing and instead provide focus on each other.  On honesty, integrity, and Love.  Renew hearts, Lord, and remove idols, pride and selfishness.  Provide redirection and remove roadblocks to change.  Renew hearts and rejuvenate love, Lord.  Renew and restore.

Prayer 19
This morning I lift my prayers against Silence.  Lord, please help each struggling married couple break the silence.  Perhaps the quiet comes as a result of fear, of weariness, of hurt, distrust, or just exhaustion or frustration, but whatever the cause, Lord, I pray that You supply words and healthy interaction where now there is merely silence.  Provide strength and courage for the downtrodden, perseverance and fortitude to the tired, and resilience and stamina to the faint of heart.  Remove the communication barriers, Lord, and put an end to the silence.  Instead provide Truth and integrity and supply the words needed to renew a long-lost connection between husband and wife.  Actions speak louder than words, Lord, and I pray that You lead each spouse to SHOW the other that they are worth working for, worth fighting for, worth breaking the silence for.  Remove the isolation, Lord, speak through the silence and provide connection not distance.  Amen.

Prayer 20
Today, Lord, I pray specifically for the hurting husband.  You, Lord, created the husband’s position in marriage to be the head of household, the spiritual leader of the family, the ultimate line of protection between his family and the world.  You created men in Your image, to be like You, to love like You, to cherish their brides as You cherish Yours. (Eph. 5:27)  Proverbs 18:22 clearly states, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”  As the offended husband turns to You for guidance and perhaps even struggles to muster the motivation to try again, Lord, gather him close and remind him daily that we love because YOU loved US first.  (1 John 4:19)  Remind each husband, Lord, of the gift You have provided in his wife, that he did not choose her, but that You blessed him with her and lead him to pray for Your continued blessing.  “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the Grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7)  Lord, lead each husband to prayerfully follow Your lead and fulfill his full potential as a Christ-centered husband, lover, friend and spiritual guide to his wife.  Remind each groom of whom he committed to love and cherish and help him honor that commitment whole-heartedly. In Your name I pray, Lord Jesus, Amen.

Prayer 21
Today, Lord, I pray specifically for the hurting wife.  You, Lord, created the wife’s position in marriage to be helper to her spouse.  You call each wife to show respect for her husband, to submit to him as head of household, trusting that he will love his bride as You love Yours.  As the angry or hurting wife turns to You for guidance and perhaps even just the desire to hold on and try once more, Lord, I ask that You gather her in Your arms and remind her daily that we love because YOU loved US first.  (1 John 4:19)  Remind each wife, Lord, of the gift You have provided in her husband, that she did not choose him, but that You blessed her with him and lead her to pray for Your continued blessing.  Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”  (1 Peter 3:1-2)  Lord, lead each wife to prayerfully follow Your lead and fulfill her full potential as a Christ-centered model of respect, loyalty and love.  Lead each wife to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving of offense as You have forgiven us.  (Eph 4:32)  Remind each bride of whom she committed to love and cherish and help her honor that commitment whole-heartedly.  In Your name I pray, Amen.

Prayer 22
Lord, today I pray against Temptation.  Sexual, emotional, physical, chemical.  The temptation to hold onto anger, past hurts, words said without care.  The temptation to seek better, to give up, to believe the world’s lies that some things just aren’t worth fixing.  The temptation to place blame, to feel superior, to judge and condemn rather than pray and forgive.  The temptation to find escape rather than healing.  James 4:7 instructs us to, “Submit yourselves therefore to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”  Lord, help each spouse to submit to Your will, to find peace with You that will provide the ability to find peace within a marriage.  Remove the earthly temptations to put self first, to pursue selfish interests, to seek self-satisfying endeavors at the cost of the blessings You have provided in the marriage union.  “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on these things.” (Phil 4:8)  Focus minds and hearts on You, Lord, and remove the obstacles of temptation.  Amen.

Prayer 23
Today, Lord, I pray for a miracle.  I pray, Lord, that You break down that final barrier still holding a heart back.  I pray for that husband or wife who has been praying along with me, who has friends and family praying alongside them, the spouse who truly, deeply, desperately wants to make a change that will save his or her marriage, but just can’t seem to make that final change in behavior.  Lord, I pray today for a miracle.  Old habits die hard and Satan repeatedly uses what has worked for him in the past.  Break down that wall.  Push those feet forward.  Eradicate fear.  Destroy pride.  Remove complacency.  Supply words.  Melt the last hard edges of the softening heart.  Provide the courage to take the first step.  Lord, I pray for a miracle.  I pray for that spouse who is searching so hard for Your way, but continues to stumble over past hurts, memories, fears, mistrust.  Refuse to let them go, Lord.  Hold them tight in Your hand and supply them Your wisdom.  Grant them assurance that no matter where things go from this moment You are in control, You will be their guide, You will walk along them.  “For the simple are killed by their turning away, and the complacence of fools destroys them; but he who listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease, without dread of evil.”  (Proverbs 1:32-33)  Amen.


Prayer 24
Today, Lord, I pray for renewed intimacy.  Draw married hearts together, Lord, as only You can do and as You intended from the beginning.  Jesus, You teach us with Your own words, “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh.”  (Mark 10:6-8)  When hearts begin to pull away from each other, removing the physical aspects of intimacy is one of Satan’s best ruses.  Remove this weapon from his arsenal, Lord.  Restore the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual draw of marital intimacy and eliminate the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual distance between the estranged husband and wife.  Renew the marriage covenant by restoring shared intimacy and reconnecting hearts and minds.  Restore trust, faith, hope and love, Lord.  Silence Satan’s lies, spoil his plans of discord and put an end to his divisive trickery.  Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mark 10:9)  In Your name, I pray all these things, Christ Jesus, Amen.

Prayer 25
Today, Lord, I pray for Thankfulness, Your Spirit and Discernment.  I rejoice with You, Lord, for all that You have done.  For the many gifts You give us and the relationships You provide through Your blessing.  Husband, wife, family, friends, and prayer partners.   I pray today that each husband and wife be able to see the blessings You have provided, and feel genuine thankfulness and gratitude for each and every gift You have provided in his/her spouse.  I pray that Your Spirit be at work in both their hearts allowing “no self-conceit, no provoking of one another, no envy of one another.” (Gal.5:26)  I pray that each spouse is able to discern between the path of selfishness Satan places before them and the road of self-giving You have provided.  May they “bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.  For if any one thinks he is something, he is nothing, he deceives himself.”  (Gal 6:2-3)  I pray, Lord, that Your Spirit moves in each struggling spouse’s heart and provides discernment of truth and desire for integrity and honor.  I rejoice in Your faithfulness, and thank You for Your unending love and mercy, ever allowing us to come to You and claim our places at the foot of Your cross.  Thank you, Lord Jesus, for each and every marriage and each husband and wife.  Guide them with Your Spirit and help them each discern Your will for their relationship.  Amen.

Prayer 26
Today, Lord, I pray for those under physical, sexual, verbal and/or emotional attack within the marriage union.  I realize, Lord, that there are those who desire to physically leave a relationship in order to escape abuse of some kind – this is not selfishness, Lord, it is survival.  It is not weakness to seek safety, but strength of spirit to stand in the face of evil.  I pray, Lord, that You provide protection to any who are living within a relationship of abuse and open doors for healthy escape.  Provide safe haven, Lord, and a clear path to healing.  Help both the abused and the abuser to recognize Satan’s role in the situation and lead both to seek professional help and recovery.  Protect any children involved in such a volatile situation, Lord.  Provide intervention for all involved.  Restore love where evil has invaded.  Restore health where addiction, anger, violence or illness has destroyed it.  Create paths of righteousness where history of abuse has left its trail of tears.  Remove the abused from any threat of danger and provide unquestionable reassurance that You are ever-present, ever-loving and ever-faithful.  Remove all feelings of guilt, shame, self-loathing, depression, rejection, and defeat from all victims of abuse and provide healing and a renewed relationship with You for all involved.  You are the defender of the weak and Father of the fatherless, Lord.  Restore hope to the offended, Lord, and provide healing balm for wounds of all kinds.

Prayer 27
Lord, today I pray for assurance of Grace.  I pray that the husband or wife drawing closer to You each day accepts Your unconditional love and forgiveness regardless of what others do or say.  I pray that Your light shines through that spouse in a way which draws the other to seek You more dearly.  But regardless, Lord, I pray that Your peace, a peace that truly does surpass all human understanding, dwell in the heart of the praying.  That assurance of Your consistent faithfulness and love provide all that is needed to weather a continued storm, to stand firm with You in the face other’s less faithful free will, to see You moving in our lives, and to praise and glorify You for renewed relationships.  Wherever the hurting spouse is today, in the midst of hurt or on the road to healing, Lord, I ask today that Your Grace feel as sufficient as You assure us it is.  For in our weakness Your power is made perfect. (2 Corinthians 12:9)  “For no matter how many promises God has made, they are ‘Yes’ in Christ. And so through Him the ‘Amen’ is spoken by us to the glory of God.” (2 Corinthians 1:20)  Your ways are not our ways, Lord, and our paths often go where we never expected, but as long as You are our Guide and Leader, You promise to work all things for our good.  Thank You for Your unwavering Grace and Mercy.  Bless each wounded heart with Your blessings this day.  Amen.

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