Be Still - HE is God

I know that these are words that no self-respecting native Southern Californian girl should ever share in public, but I just have to say:  I hate the beach. Okay, maybe I don’t HATE the beach, but I certainly do not enjoy it, or its sandiness, or its fish smell, or its ability to donate sand to places on your body you didn’t even know existed until you found sand there.  There is just something about smelling like a mackerel or being covered in salty filth that has never really appealed to me.  Hmm… go figure.

But I also have to admit that I LOVE the beach.  I love the sound of the ocean.  The peacefulness found in a secluded spot.  The wildlife that swarms in the immensity of the sea.  The romance of a sunset.  The mystery of its vastness.  The solitude of the gentle breeze on your face.  The strength in its sheer beauty. Yes, call me fickle, but I certainly have very strong feelings about the beach – in both directions.  And today I found myself sitting alone just pondering its being.

After I dropped my kids at Vacation Bible School this morning I decided it was time I start looking for “a spot”.  You know, one of those places you can go to get away from it all.  To think.  To sit.  To pray.  To cry.  When I lived in Maryland I had the perfect SPOT.  It may seem crazy, but my spot was simply the top of my staircase.  It was perfect.  Relaxing.  Comfortable.  Safe.  Warm in the winter, cool in the summer.  And each day at resting time, and some days at other times on the clock, I would settle in and spend some time with God, journal, pray, rest, sleep or whatever else needed to be done that day to draw my focus back to His presence and take a little time for me.

Well, since moving away from that house no “spot” has presented itself as a replacement.  Mainly because my house is half the size, we have no staircase and I literally sleep more at resting time than my kids do, but all along I have dreamed of a new escape.  A location just mine.  Filled with peace and quiet, and time alone with my thoughts.  So, today I went looking for just a place...  

And right now, as I jot down these thoughts, I am sitting in just such a place.  It is not perfect in that I am many miles from home, a good rain would make it much less enjoyable since I'm outside, and I will have to do some serious bum-dusting when I stand up, but it’s peaceful.  It’s quiet.  It’s tranquil and thought provoking.  Relaxing and comfortable.  And most importantly I can feel that I am not alone.

The last month has been very hard.  My kids are working through a lot of post visitation emotion, school is out so my anxiety-laden children are struggling to maintain mental and emotion order sans a regular routine, when I changed medical insurance I lost my access to my counselor for a while, my local family has spent time traveling so I’ve been really flying solo a lot, and even activities and free playtime are enough “different” to set my hyper-vigilant children at odds with their environment.  All in all, it’s just been tough.

I don’t say any of that to complain, just to explain the reality of things.  There are a lot of mental and emotional conditions living in my house and most days are often just a battle of trying to figure out which came first – the chicken or the egg?  Is my depression rearing its ugly head in response to another family member’s depression flaring up, or are that family member’s depression triggers responding to mine?  Is Child #1 not sleeping well at night because Child #2 is afraid to go to sleep, or is Child #2 afraid to go to sleep because of the tossing and turning and mid-sleep moaning of Child #1.  Is Child A hovering over Child B to keep Child B from throwing another tantrum or is Child B throwing another tantrum so Child A will swoop in and hover and offer security?  See what I mean?  It’s just tough.  And complicated.  And, honestly - mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting.

So, here I am… sitting at the beach, on my own little cliff, away from other people, up away from the nasty sand, surrounded by the lullaby of the crashing waves, watching a little group of dolphins slowly make their way up the coast just out of range of the many surfers searching for that perfect wave while the Navy flies over in a Chinook-looking helicopter.  And I LOVE it.  It is physically peaceful.  I can close my eyes, turn my face to the wind, breathe deeply and feel the tingles on my skin and warmth on my shoulders.  THIS is “a spot”.

Isolated.  Yet right in the middle of things.  

Honestly, there are probably 200 people in my direct line of vision, but it’s like I have my own little God-cone-of-peacefulness.  Like I’m watching everything from inside my own little bubble.  And I love it.

So, I guess that means I’ll come back.  It might not be so enjoyable if the sun was blazing down on me – today is pretty overcast – but I guess I’ll just have to see.  There is definitely part of me longing to return come winter in my comfy sweats and tennis shoes to just sit and enjoy the view amongst the chill. And I bet there is one heck of a sunset to watch from here too!  So, we’ll see.  Perhaps this spot and I will part ways when the weather is less pleasant, or perhaps this the start of a beautiful relationship.  Either way, today it has been the perfect companion.

The busy world is still waiting for me.  Life isn’t going to be any less chaotic when I leave this spot and return to reality, but hopefully my own thoughts and feelings will be.  Because sometimes a few deep breaths with the wind on my face is just what the Doctor ordered.   

Easier said than done?  I will be the first to admit THAT is true - I've lived here for over a year and just did this...  But I can also tell you from just the past forty-five minutes, there is nothing more restful than simply stopping the world for a bit and spending some alone-time with the Lord.  And I pray that you will find that time today as well.

“Be still and know that I am God.
     I am exalted among the nation,
     I am exalted in the earth!”
The Lord of hosts is with us;
     The God of Jacob is our refuge.  Psalm 46:10-11

And He said, “Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD.”  And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.
      1 Kings 19:11-12

Be Still, and KNOW that He is God...