One month ago I committed to praying for 30 days over
struggling and endangered marriages. It
may seem a strange commitment for someone no longer married, but in my mind it
makes perfect sense. Who better to pray
over the devastation a struggling marriage can create than one who has been
through it – And lost. At this point,
however, I feel that my part to play here is about done. Okay, maybe not “done”, but perhaps morphed
into something different.
A month ago I had four friends asking me specifically to pray
for struggling marriages. Some their
own, some for others. All with different
difficulties, with differing responses from spouses, but all with the same
desire – a renewed relationship between people they loved and wanted to enjoy
a healthy relationship.
Like I said, each set of circumstances was different and I
knew of other relationships needing prayer as well, so I made a
commitment. 30 days. 30 targeted prayers. 30 chances to use my mistakes to help others
avoid the same pitfalls. 30 opportunities to use my own personal marriage
experience for God’s glory.
You see, I am not perfect.
And I certainly don’t have it all together. But what I do have is a God who is
faithful. And a God who promises to work
all things for good for those who love Him.
And although the whole marriage and happily ever after things didn’t
work out for me as I planned, I trust that my God will use what I do have for
something good if I let Him. And so I
have tried my best. Not my best to do
something, but my best to let HIM work.
And it is my prayer that throughout this month the prayers
lifted have done just that. I can assure
you the words offered are far from my own magical creations. Each night I have prayed for guidance and for
the right topic to address and the right words to string together. Some prayers have come from conversations
with friends, some from that day’s devotion or Bible Study, some from a song
heard on the radio, some simply from a thought God placed upon my heart that
day. But everything offered was focused
as I wish I would have been focused even before the day I was told my marriage
was over.
Growing up my mother used to always use the phrase, “Hindsight
is 20/20.” Trust me, it took a long time
for the dust to settle enough that I could look back and see anything beyond
the immediate wreckage of the firestorm that ended my marriage, but it turns
out my mother was right. Go figure! I see things much different now, much more
clearly than I did in the midst of things - and not just at the end.
My marriage ultimately ended because one person made one
decision to quit, but things didn’t come to that point in a vacuum. As I’ve stated often, marriage takes three –
husband, wife and Christ – and unfortunately in my marriage we relied too much
on the first two and didn’t work together enough to include the third as a
marital partner. And, oh, the heartache
that has caused for so many.
The ending
of my marriage did not only impact myself and my ex-husband, it has greatly
impacted my children, my parents, my siblings, my in-laws, my nieces, my
nephews. Old friends who were blindsided,
and new friends who are just getting to know the “new” not-married us. The ripple effect is astounding. And the hurt involved is immeasurable. One person’s, “I know God can fix it, but I
don’t want Him to,” has rocked the emotional world of a vast number of people. And that is just sad.
Years ago I heard the story of a man seeking divorce who
told his estranged wife, “Divorce does not affect the children.” Wow.
He could not have been more wrong!
Divorce hurts everyone. And it is so incredibly unnecessary if the
married persons will turn their true hearts to Christ and allow Him to restore
the relationship He wants to bless. And
yet the kicker is that marriages takes THREE – Christ, the husband and the
wife. Both spouses must be willing to allow Christ to work in them, because
as far as I can tell the only way one spouse makes things with the other “better”
is to change him or herself to be more Christ-like.
It’s not about making the other person different, it’s about
making oneself like Jesus to the other. We don’t change people. We can’t
change people. And , we don’t know the best way people should
be anyway. What we do know is that God
does, God can and God will if we allow Him.
But God doesn’t control us like puppets.
He gave us free-will and He respects our choice to use it. He will not force us to choose His way, but He will wait for us to come to Him. God works in mysterious ways and He doesn’t
take directions from us. He instead wants
to direct us and no matter how our spouse responds, Jesus still calls us to follow Him.
So, here are my 31 days of prayers (couldn’t stop on 30…) If you have prayed each one with me, I hope
they have blessed you as they have me.
If you have drawn closer to Jesus as your Lord and Savior through them,
then I praise the Lord for His blessings of faith. If you have seen changes in the relationship
you have been praying over, Hallelujah! Praise God for His unfathomable
power. If things are still rough and
perhaps seem to be even a little worse, hang in there. God is listening and He is at work.
I will be the
first to tell you He did not answer my marriage restoration prayers as I prayed
He would, but remember what my mother says – Hindsight is 20/20. I may not have gotten the answers I wanted,
but God certainly answered my prayers and He has provided innumerable blessings
in the midst of what looks to me (daily) like simple chaos. And maybe, just maybe, your having someone to
pray alongside you at this time is simply one more blessing rising from that
wreckage.
Beauty for ashes, my friends. Beauty for ashes.
Keep praying. Start
over with Day 1 and pray these prayers again, or pray on your own. But keep praying. Especially when things start to look up. Satan is always lurking and looking for a way
in. Set your mind against him and stay
focused on Christ. Pray for your spouse
(or future spouse) daily. If things fall
apart, keep praying. And keep praying
for your spouse even if they become an “ex”. Not that he or she will change, but that he
or she will find and/or maintain a
steady walk with Christ. And pray for
yourself – pray that despite whatever circumstances you face you will allow
Christ to shine through you. Because honestly, though the world be sunshine and
daises or come crashing down around you, if you are centered on Christ He can
use it all for His glory.
God bless you. And
may each of your relationships be grounded in Christ, for we love because He
first loved us. Peace to each of your hearts and each
Walk of faith.
Click the above link for all 31 prayers
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